Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
