Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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