You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
try to milk me bitch
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