i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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