She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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