remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
