My friends, they love my intelligence
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
