so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
