MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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