Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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