she's into porn, im staying here tonight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
