I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
