Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
