Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize