I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
