she looked like the before picture.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
