A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
