is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
