he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
