What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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