can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
