There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
