some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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