Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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