I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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