you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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