can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
