you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
