Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
