guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
