Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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