My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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