Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
