I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
