I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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