I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
