I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
