A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You smell like stripper and shame
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
