Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
