you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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