I just pynch a tree in the face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
