i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did you just see the Batmobile???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize