"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
