the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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