I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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