Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
