i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
