He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
