Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
