I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
