My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
