my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
