my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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