P.S. I can't hear my feet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
