I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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