the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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