I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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