we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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