I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
