got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
