the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
