Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize