WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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