I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
