Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's shark week go big or go home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
