One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
