I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
