remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
