I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
