There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
