i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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