pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
