shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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