am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
