Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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