I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
