so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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