It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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