I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize