Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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