sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
