we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
