WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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