I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
