Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize