You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
