maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
People with herpes should wear stickers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
