I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
