i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
