Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
