I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
