the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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