Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
