I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize