we have officially lost it.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
