My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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