I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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