4 words: hood of his car
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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