My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
