she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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