Kiss
Puke
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
