My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
