I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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