Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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