She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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