I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
