if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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