kristin has been a bad kristin
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
