i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
