do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
